Monday 24 January 2011

It's Monday...it must be Rantday

Before I start, a disclaimer should my father read this. I apologise for any and all foul language I am about to use. Lots of love, your little girl. x

So where shall I begin?

Those on twitter who are also reading this will know I'm being very special at the moment, having progressed through flu and then screwed up my left ear which has, in turn, made me feel permanently drunk...not good drunk...I mean the holding on to your bed to stop it from spinning kind of drunk.  This sucks because a) it's not a nice drunk to be and b) I've stopped drinking alcohol since the new year started so feeling this type of drunk wasn't on my planed agenda this year.

Anyway, I returned to work today after a week off dying in my flu-bed (sheer will power knowing series three of Being Human was just around the corner pulled me through!), and despite little bits of wobbling (I fell off my boot twice this afternoon - yes, I'm THAT special!), I made it through the day and actually did manage productive work! (I'll let you all sit down for a second)

So it comes to home time.  My time scale from leaving work to get to station, on train, then bus to school to collect the little lady is a very tight one.  I can miss the earlier train and just make it, but I cannot, absolutely CANNOT miss the 1437 otherwise I will be late.

I leave the office, wobble my way through Stratford to the station, and as I approach I reach into my bag to grab my pass wallet, which contains a load of work info cards, all my "tickets" to do with my job plus my Oyster card...bollocks...it's not there...

I place a quick call to my boss to ask if my pass wallet is on my desk - this makes a big difference in just how pissed off I am going to be, because if I've lost it away from the office I have to pay to replace my work passes and it could cause a LOT of hassle with work...but before I get an answer my phone dies.  You useless sack of shit!!!  Fuck you LG, your GD900 Crystal is a piece of shit.  You did fuck all with it.  You developed NOTHING for it.  Those that did couldn't be bought because you were only allocated 100 of your fecking credits and you couldn't top the bloody credits up!  For the last six months I have lived with all it's faults, it's main one being that it would turn itself off whenever it felt like it...as time has gone on this has got worse and worse...now, if I receive one, maybe two texts, that's it...it's dead...the only saving grace is that complaints by the meester means I have a little over two weeks until I can change phone early in my contract...never again will I buy an LG phone.

Whilst this is going on I get randomly complimented on my hair (a throw away "thanks" is the best I can do, I try not to be rude), this is followed up with "who does it? I'm not doing a survey".  

I reply me, whilst still walking on and trying to make the call...

"Could I possibly interest you in visiting out salon?"

"erm, no thanks" I reply, looking rather confused as to why this man is deciding the person with a face like thunder who is also swearing at her phone would even be the slightest bit interested in going to have her hair done...

"Oh...can I ask why not?"

"I don't like hairdressers."  A true fact.  I don't like people touching my hair, only a choice few are allowed.

I walk on leaving him rather confused as to how a woman doesn't like hairdressers.

Once at the station, I realise I have to get myself a ticket...I have 7 minutes until the 1437...I look at my options:

Two machines, cards or correct change only - so they were out.
Oyster card quick ticket - also out.
HUGE queue to a human - no chance.
Final machine that will give change that has two people at it buying their tickets - THAT'S MY QUEUE! Excellent.

No.  Not excellent.  Apparently I gave the two people at the machine too much credit.  I had assumed, foolishly it seems, that they would be at least semi-intelligent beings capable of selecting a ticket, paying for it, collecting it and skipping off on the rest of their journey...

Instead it would appear that they were two fat retarded cnut-fuckers who couldn't understand that if the machine had spat out a coin 19 times, it was unlikely to actually accept it when you tried for the 20th...the minutes tick away.  To my left I note that a man is gradually trying to get in front of me...I give him a look of imminent-nad-death and he retreats.  I am now muttering...and not all that quietly.  As the special couple cancel their selection I breath a slight sigh of relief, only to see them attempt to select things again...my "oh for fucks sake" and look of complete disbelief finally made the woman realise maybe they had been outwitted by the machine...they leave and join the queue to speak to a human.

I check the clock, 1435...I have two minutes...

The machine itself appears to be slightly retarded...I try to put in R followed by O to be able to select my destination, only for it to be miscalibrated and it kept offering up an N instead.  I resign myself to sticking with the R only and scrolling down to select my station. money in, change and ticket given, BISH BOSH 1436...I still have time to get my train.

I must admit I make a habit of NOT running for public transport...there is always another train/bus/tube in a few minutes and generally speaking, it works just fine...but today I ran. 

I ran through the gate.

I ran through the tunnel.

I ran against the tide of people on the stairs.

I see my train in the platform...I made it!  I actually fucking made it!!!

beep beep beep beep

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The train doors close...the train departs with me stood there...see, THIS is why I don't run for transport.  Had I sauntered and missed it, I'd have been "meh" about it...but I didn't...I made every effort to catch that train and I failed.

I blew a fuse.  I turned around and made the choice between things in my left and right hand to throw on the platform whilst screaming (a good scream always does let out a good deal of scream).  Thankfully for me, it was the newspaper I decided to throw, and not the useless piece of technology I had in my other hand.

An old woman smirks and passes a "always happens" to me.  I pick up my paper, turn around and walk a little down the platform, before sitting down.  It's then I notice the member of staff edging his way towards me.  He obviously thought I was a complete loon. He stood near me for the next 4 or 5 minutes for fear I took my anger out once again on my innocent newspaper, no doubt.  I sit there on the verge of tears as I was now going to be late to collect my daughter and had no way of getting hold of anyone to either grab her for me, or even to advise the school, so she's just going to be stood there, with her teacher, waiting...

I look over to the platform opposite...and there in yellow LEDs is my shining hope...there is a super fast train!  It's not one I normally get...but yes! There it is.  Just waiting for me to make the short stroll over to that platform...I have one minute.

This time I stroll, I make it in time for that train and I get to Romford at my normal time! WOW, I think, things are looking up :) (anyone still reading this?)

I miss two buses that pull away from my bus stop when I'm still across the road, no worries, they ARE frequent.  Money at the ready I board the next bus, only to be greeted with a price increase...let's not even go into the fact I have a travelcard on my Oystercard that is on my desk and am now paying £2.20 for a journey that is actually 3 stops (and yet a 20 minute walk).  I hand over the money.

A couple of stops down, I press the buzzer thing a little before my stop, edging forward on my seat (I don't want to stand whilst the bus is moving due to the imbalance thing I have at the moment)....and oh...oh right...not stopping at my stop then?  I give a "erm, what?" to the bus driver who then muttered something back before just stopping some way after the bus stop without any apology.  I forewent my normal "thanks" as I disembarked.

Turns out I have enough time to drop a shopping bag and my bag at the car before going to the school, nothing could go wrong there, surely?  Well...except your MP3 player falling out of your pocket, dropping off your headphones and landing somewhere under your car, obviously!!  So hands and knees, arse in the air, builders butt crack on show, various school mums passing by as you are swearing underneath your car, all whilst I try to find it...nice!

I get to the school and all melts when I see the little lady beaming, who greets me with a big kiss and cuddle.  I decide to take her to McDonalds (something she's wanted all week as it's Scooby Doo)...now NOTHING can go wrong here :)  I mean, it's McDonalds.  All I want is a Happy Meal.  She wants fish fingers, fruit bag and a water.  20 minutes later we get served.  I try not to hurt anyone.  

"Turns out we don't have any fruit bags..."

I ask the little one would she like carrot sticks or fries...carrot is the answer

The girl behind the till is already shaking her head...

"You don't have carrot sticks either?  What is the fucking point of advertising a choice if you only have fries?  Whatever, just give her fries..."

"What drink did you want?"

"Water.  Unless you don't know the recipe for water..."

My comment passes over her head...

And so we leave...I pick myself up some lovely filled pasta as I feel I want some very nice NOM to cheer myself up.  Home, dinner cooked and eaten, and I feel a lot better...of course, it could have been the baby girl cuddle that did that...





Oh...and on my way in a girl sat next to me and promptly started doing her makeup on the train...I should've just gone home then...

Thursday 13 January 2011

What a miserable night...

Sat in my office, about 10 minutes away from heading back out into the dark wet night and down to South Wimbledon.

Handing back an installation down there tonight...well, I'm not.  I was going to, but a couple of colleagues and I all have our licences coming up for renewal for a specific part and two of them haven't been using them much (regular use is a must to be able to keep hold of the licence).  I, however, am an assessor for the licence, so am more up to date on it all in the practical sense, as I mentor and assess people on a reasonably regular basis.  So I suggested they both come out with me tonight and do the handback, with me just being there should they need me...which (apart from which sections to fill out on little used (by them) paperwork) they won't.

One of the people out with me is a favourite amongst my work friends.  A lovely girl, very bright, very precise.  She is currently needlessly worrying over what we are doing tonight.  She has checked clearances a hundred times or more...it's just this is the first time she will actually be approving and signing off an actual installation that will remain in a tunnel...no doubt not one of you will even notice that installation if you get on the tube in that area tomorrow morning.

She needn't worry on many accounts:
  1. She is so accurate with everything she does, she won't miss a thing (can only think of one other in our department who I would say is moreso!);
  2. She has the power to make people move the installation to make it meet requirements;
  3. She also has the power to make them take it all back out if they don't meet requirements and will not/can not make it fit;
  4. She has back up with me and the other chap there.
Should hopefully be a short job - wager it will take us longer getting to site and back than it will actually checking everything.

And with that...I need to go grab my things from the car and get into the van...South Wimbledon here I come!!!  I got to all the nicest places...

Tuesday 11 January 2011

I'm off to see DT again

On a happier note, today, my lovely friend Chris made me grin from ear to ear...he only went and booked us tickets to see the gorgeous David Tennant and fantastic Catherine Tate in Much Ado About Nothing at the Wyndham Theatre in May.

OMG!

Like totally OMG!

<fan girl squeeeeeee>

VERY EXCITED!  

Not the first time I'll have seen DT in theatre, as I went to Hamlet in Stratford (I found my old blog about it and will post it below).  Also I have been blessed with a meeting of both DT and Catherine (forever in the debt of Mr Jupitus!) at Buzzcocks in 2009.  Neither of these facts take away from just how much I am looking forward to this...it's going to be a looooooooong four months for all who know me LOL!

So...my review of DT and the glorious Patrick Stewart from 2.5 years ago is below...will not doubt do another after MAAN...


Hamlet Edit Blog Entry
by  on 10-09-08 at 19:14 (307 Views)
*WARNING: IF YOU EXPECT A REVIEW WITHOUT ANY GUSHING IN THE DIRECTION OF DAVID TENNANT, THEN I SUGGEST YOU STEP AWAY FROM THE BLOG NOW*

Yesterday was David Tennant day - it was a very special day. 

I will admit that although filled with excitement about actually seeing DT in the flesh...amplified by the fact that Patrick Stewart was also going to share the stage...and yet dampened slightly that it had to be a 3.5 hour Shakespeare play I had to sit through to part-take in this pleasure.

Maybe my memories of Shakespeare have been tainted by having to sit through the RSC do MacBeth in my teenage years - I swear it lasted days!

Anyhoo, Hamlet, I am very pleased to say, impressed me. Not only the play itself, but this version was most excellently directed and the vision seen by the Director was a marvel and a joy.

Modernised somewhat with the dress, and (I think) some of the lines here and there, it made for a most mesmerising evening at the theatre...although I will be honest and admit that just how much of that was down to the lead cast members I will never be able to say.

Only one of the cast wasn't to my liking, however towards the end of the play he improved so whether it was character development or not I am unsure.

The lighting and set was fabulous - basic yet stunning.

Patrick Stewart commanded respect on stage. He completely dominated the first third of the play, and until Hamlet began his "decent into madness" I think that this was the intention of the characters/play.

A man with a rather impressive voice on film/tv...likened by myself to melted chocolate only you can't touch it. Well if this is true, hearing him speak in a theatre is like having the melted chocolate in front of you and being invited to dip your finger in. 

His years of experience showed and truly he is a fabulous actor - I feel honoured to have seen him perform.

And now down to the main business of the day...Mr David Tennant himself. The reason for me wanting to go. The object of my sad obsession. The one. The only. The Doctor. My Doctor.

Something like a 20 minute wait for him to head onto stage...probably wasn't...was probably only 5 minutes...felt like an hour...not that I was impatient or anything 

He played the nervous grief-stricken Hamlet in an awkward manner, by the time he saw his Father's ghost his character changes and DT was brought into his own. The "decent into madness" was just pure entertainment and he was just brilliant.

*gushing alert*

Oh my...the man is even more gorgeous in the flesh. Was very hard to tear my eyes off him...especially one point where he was crouched down in front of me, low riding jeans riding low, Calvin Kleins showing and slight bit of lower back...*sigh*...no idea what went on in that scene sadly...thankfully it didn't seem too important 

His teasing of undoing his tie when in a tux was just yummy...as was the redressing of wearing jeans, white vest and buttoning up a tight fitting blue shirt (how he would look getting redressed in my bedroom...in MY mind...)...and never has a man been so built to be dressed in the white fencing top thing *drool*.

His stretching/reaching upwards whilst in the low riders/tee combo provided a glimpse of lower stomach/hip, which I have decided is the new place I want to lick on him.

Sadly the man has freaky monkey toes too, just like Metz...so the checklist increases...  I am coming to the conclusion that the whole DT obsession is actually Metz's fault and I am just projecting the image of my intelligent sexy geeky husband on a "celeb" of similar ilk...I hope the meester is kinda flattered 

However, despite all the drooling and sighing and wibbling, his performance was very entertaining, manic at times, wonderful.

Oh and he said c*nt.  Never. Been. Sexier.



As for the FA and Scottland biking adventure...well, I'll post that up later..

Makeup

Don't know if it's because of the migraine on Sunday, which has clouded the last two days for me too, with my head being a little fuzzy and painkillers having to be taken each day, but I'm finding annoyances everywhere...some my normal ones, some new ones.

A BIG pet hate for me is women who apply their make up in public - something that I may have mentioned before.  It really grates on me.  I don't want to see you pulling stupid faces on the train.  I don't want to watch you take ten fricking minutes to apply mascara - WHO TAKES THAT LONG???  I don't want to be covered in your powder foundation or blusher.  And don't even get me started on the ones who then do their hair...GAH!

My favourite game, should I find myself sat next to one of these lazy women who cannot get out of bed 15 minutes earlier so they can cake their face in cosmetic crap, is the "accidental nudge game".  This is a very fun game, because they never say anything to you.  Armed only with a copy of the Metro, I can get the powdering prissy as pissed off as I am...leaving me feeling ever so slightly happier.  Sadly neither of the women on the train today were next to me, so occasional glares in their direction was all I could do.

It used to only be a "slight annoyance" level for me until about 9 years ago.  I was sat on one of the older SouthWest trains...don't know if you remember them, they had the seats with the really high backs that were supposed to seat three but barely sat two.  I was heading to my then home, and a women in her 40s sat next to me and promptly got out her very large makeup bag.  It should be noted that this woman already had a face caked in makeup.  She spent the next 20 minutes applying even more makeup.  One can only assume she was going to a hooker convention somewhere in deepest Surrey.  I had been elbowed several times and then covered in various of her powdered makeup.  

Once she'd finished, she pulled a hairbrush from her bag and brushed her hair all over me.  Another thing I should possibly mention is that I don't like hair touching me.  I don't like other people's hair touching my skin, I barely like my own hair touching my skin, I certainly don't like other people touching my hair (unless pre-approved in writing).  So this stranger's hair that was now being brushed all over me was freaking me out somewhat, but I held it together.

Brush back into her bag, she roots around for something else...A-HA! She has found what she was looking for...and pulls out a bottle of perfume.

No.

No that's too far.

I believe my exact words to her were "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" as she froze, perfume ready to spray.  

What amazed me more was that she was completely oblivious to the fact that spraying her perfume in such confined quarters would actually offend anyone.  Erm...HELLO!  Earth to dumbarse hooker!!

She actually asked me what my problem was...I think she wished she hadn't as I explained to her how her entire "beauty" regime had ended up all over me and that I considered it very rude of her to shower me with make up and her hair and that if she even entertained the idea of pressing down on her perfume she would find it out of the train window so fucking fast, along with her entire bag.

The rest of the journey was in rather uncomfortable silence.  To be honest, I couldn't believe I had said anything...

Oh...and the perfume was put bag in the bag...UNSPRAYED.

Monday 10 January 2011

Migraine strike back

Didn't blog over the weekend because I got distracted on Saturday by various things and sadly yesterday I was hit with a migraine.  Sadly I'm still feeling a bit fuzzy.  Drugs have been keeping things at bay, but think a good sleep tonight should do more good than anything else.

Normal blogging shall return shortly.


Friday 7 January 2011

And so Christmas truly is over now...

Today is my last official day of annual leave, so, apart from the weekend, Christmas is truly over.  I commiserated this fact by watching The Muppet Christmas Carol, as I missed it over the actual Christmas period (it was on but I was busy in the kitchen for most of it).

Cold finally seems to have left after 10 or so days, still feeling a little drained tho.  This means I haven't got done quite as many things as I'd hoped I would, but not to worry, there's still the weekend and tbh we have the rest of our lives to be "sorting out stuff" LOL!

Today also marks my first week of not drinking alcohol, although if I'm honest, one week isn't really a challenge. Do I feel any better for not having drank at all this week?  Not really...but that's probably more down to the fact I've had the stupid bad cold.

I tried to start a hashtag game on Twitter a few days ago.  Inspired whilst watching Shallow Grave with my eldest step-daughter (first time for her), we were discussing how films would be a lot shorter if certain things happened...a few people ran with it and I must say I was enjoying it...will list a few here that I really liked (including some of my own - so sue me!):


Alex, David & Juliet call the police on discovery of dead man in room, handing over the money too ~ Shallow Grave 


It's genuinely just a fucking wardrobe -Narnia 


Dante doesn't bother answering the phone. Clerks 


  

Mistaken for a whale by Japanese fishing boat - Jaws 


Nemo stays with the school. - Finding Nemo 


  

'Who is Keyser Soze?' It's that dude over there who looks like Kevin Spacey 


Half day closing at the bookshop - Notting Hill 


Inigo Montoya's father only suffered a flesh wound ~ The Princess Bride 


Brad and Janet don't get a flat....Rocky Horror 


Horton DIDN'T hear a Who ~ Horton hears a Whor


Bella staked edward-twilight 


There can be more than one - Highlander 1, 2 & 3 


Harry never met Sally - When Harry Met Sally 

And the one I'm personally most proud of...but is possibly quite wrong...

Schindler can't find a pen ~ Schindler's List 

Come join in and play :)