It's Monday...it must be Rantday

Before I start, a disclaimer should my father read this. I apologise for any and all foul language I am about to use. Lots of love, your little girl. x

So where shall I begin?

Those on twitter who are also reading this will know I'm being very special at the moment, having progressed through flu and then screwed up my left ear which has, in turn, made me feel permanently drunk...not good drunk...I mean the holding on to your bed to stop it from spinning kind of drunk.  This sucks because a) it's not a nice drunk to be and b) I've stopped drinking alcohol since the new year started so feeling this type of drunk wasn't on my planed agenda this year.

Anyway, I returned to work today after a week off dying in my flu-bed (sheer will power knowing series three of Being Human was just around the corner pulled me through!), and despite little bits of wobbling (I fell off my boot twice this afternoon - yes, I'm THAT special!), I made it through the day and actually did manage productive work! (I'll let you all sit down for a second)

So it comes to home time.  My time scale from leaving work to get to station, on train, then bus to school to collect the little lady is a very tight one.  I can miss the earlier train and just make it, but I cannot, absolutely CANNOT miss the 1437 otherwise I will be late.

I leave the office, wobble my way through Stratford to the station, and as I approach I reach into my bag to grab my pass wallet, which contains a load of work info cards, all my "tickets" to do with my job plus my Oyster card...bollocks...it's not there...

I place a quick call to my boss to ask if my pass wallet is on my desk - this makes a big difference in just how pissed off I am going to be, because if I've lost it away from the office I have to pay to replace my work passes and it could cause a LOT of hassle with work...but before I get an answer my phone dies.  You useless sack of shit!!!  Fuck you LG, your GD900 Crystal is a piece of shit.  You did fuck all with it.  You developed NOTHING for it.  Those that did couldn't be bought because you were only allocated 100 of your fecking credits and you couldn't top the bloody credits up!  For the last six months I have lived with all it's faults, it's main one being that it would turn itself off whenever it felt like it...as time has gone on this has got worse and worse...now, if I receive one, maybe two texts, that's it...it's dead...the only saving grace is that complaints by the meester means I have a little over two weeks until I can change phone early in my contract...never again will I buy an LG phone.

Whilst this is going on I get randomly complimented on my hair (a throw away "thanks" is the best I can do, I try not to be rude), this is followed up with "who does it? I'm not doing a survey".  

I reply me, whilst still walking on and trying to make the call...

"Could I possibly interest you in visiting out salon?"

"erm, no thanks" I reply, looking rather confused as to why this man is deciding the person with a face like thunder who is also swearing at her phone would even be the slightest bit interested in going to have her hair done...

"Oh...can I ask why not?"

"I don't like hairdressers."  A true fact.  I don't like people touching my hair, only a choice few are allowed.

I walk on leaving him rather confused as to how a woman doesn't like hairdressers.

Once at the station, I realise I have to get myself a ticket...I have 7 minutes until the 1437...I look at my options:

Two machines, cards or correct change only - so they were out.

Oyster card quick ticket - also out.

HUGE queue to a human - no chance.

Final machine that will give change that has two people at it buying their tickets - THAT'S MY QUEUE! Excellent.

No.  Not excellent.  Apparently I gave the two people at the machine too much credit.  I had assumed, foolishly it seems, that they would be at least semi-intelligent beings capable of selecting a ticket, paying for it, collecting it and skipping off on the rest of their journey...

Instead it would appear that they were two fat retarded cnut-fuckers who couldn't understand that if the machine had spat out a coin 19 times, it was unlikely to actually accept it when you tried for the 20th...the minutes tick away.  To my left I note that a man is gradually trying to get in front of me...I give him a look of imminent-nad-death and he retreats.  I am now muttering...and not all that quietly.  As the special couple cancel their selection I breath a slight sigh of relief, only to see them attempt to select things again...my "oh for fucks sake" and look of complete disbelief finally made the woman realise maybe they had been outwitted by the machine...they leave and join the queue to speak to a human.

I check the clock, 1435...I have two minutes...

The machine itself appears to be slightly retarded...I try to put in R followed by O to be able to select my destination, only for it to be miscalibrated and it kept offering up an N instead.  I resign myself to sticking with the R only and scrolling down to select my station. money in, change and ticket given, BISH BOSH 1436...I still have time to get my train.

I must admit I make a habit of NOT running for public transport...there is always another train/bus/tube in a few minutes and generally speaking, it works just fine...but today I ran. 

I ran through the gate.

I ran through the tunnel.

I ran against the tide of people on the stairs.

I see my train in the platform...I made it!  I actually fucking made it!!!

beep beep beep beep

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The train doors close...the train departs with me stood there...see, THIS is why I don't run for transport.  Had I sauntered and missed it, I'd have been "meh" about it...but I didn't...I made every effort to catch that train and I failed.

I blew a fuse.  I turned around and made the choice between things in my left and right hand to throw on the platform whilst screaming (a good scream always does let out a good deal of scream).  Thankfully for me, it was the newspaper I decided to throw, and not the useless piece of technology I had in my other hand.

An old woman smirks and passes a "always happens" to me.  I pick up my paper, turn around and walk a little down the platform, before sitting down.  It's then I notice the member of staff edging his way towards me.  He obviously thought I was a complete loon. He stood near me for the next 4 or 5 minutes for fear I took my anger out once again on my innocent newspaper, no doubt.  I sit there on the verge of tears as I was now going to be late to collect my daughter and had no way of getting hold of anyone to either grab her for me, or even to advise the school, so she's just going to be stood there, with her teacher, waiting...

I look over to the platform opposite...and there in yellow LEDs is my shining hope...there is a super fast train!  It's not one I normally get...but yes! There it is.  Just waiting for me to make the short stroll over to that platform...I have one minute.

This time I stroll, I make it in time for that train and I get to Romford at my normal time! WOW, I think, things are looking up :) (anyone still reading this?)

I miss two buses that pull away from my bus stop when I'm still across the road, no worries, they ARE frequent.  Money at the ready I board the next bus, only to be greeted with a price increase...let's not even go into the fact I have a travelcard on my Oystercard that is on my desk and am now paying £2.20 for a journey that is actually 3 stops (and yet a 20 minute walk).  I hand over the money.

A couple of stops down, I press the buzzer thing a little before my stop, edging forward on my seat (I don't want to stand whilst the bus is moving due to the imbalance thing I have at the moment)....and oh...oh right...not stopping at my stop then?  I give a "erm, what?" to the bus driver who then muttered something back before just stopping some way after the bus stop without any apology.  I forewent my normal "thanks" as I disembarked.

Turns out I have enough time to drop a shopping bag and my bag at the car before going to the school, nothing could go wrong there, surely?  Well...except your MP3 player falling out of your pocket, dropping off your headphones and landing somewhere under your car, obviously!!  So hands and knees, arse in the air, builders butt crack on show, various school mums passing by as you are swearing underneath your car, all whilst I try to find it...nice!

I get to the school and all melts when I see the little lady beaming, who greets me with a big kiss and cuddle.  I decide to take her to McDonalds (something she's wanted all week as it's Scooby Doo)...now NOTHING can go wrong here :)  I mean, it's McDonalds.  All I want is a Happy Meal.  She wants fish fingers, fruit bag and a water.  20 minutes later we get served.  I try not to hurt anyone.  

"Turns out we don't have any fruit bags..."

I ask the little one would she like carrot sticks or fries...carrot is the answer

The girl behind the till is already shaking her head...

"You don't have carrot sticks either?  What is the fucking point of advertising a choice if you only have fries?  Whatever, just give her fries..."

"What drink did you want?"

"Water.  Unless you don't know the recipe for water..."

My comment passes over her head...

And so we leave...I pick myself up some lovely filled pasta as I feel I want some very nice NOM to cheer myself up.  Home, dinner cooked and eaten, and I feel a lot better...of course, it could have been the baby girl cuddle that did that...

Oh...and on my way in a girl sat next to me and promptly started doing her makeup on the train...I should've just gone home then...